Ep. 3: Playing Full Out With Authenticity w/ Melissa M. Proctor

Joy Dixon: 00:10

Hello there and welcome to a Joyfully Black podcast. My name is Joy Dixon, where we have candid conversations with black women on nourishing their mental well being, while balancing career, family life and community care. Today's guest has paved a seemingly unconventional path towards her current role as Executive Vice President and CMO of Atlanta Hawks and State Farm arena, Melissa Proctor NOW. Now Melissa has a daughter and was raised in Miami, so shout out to 305 as fellow Florida girl. She had a strong loving presence with her mother who was from Belize, and her father who was born in Jamaica. Melissa did not have a linear career trajectory and overcame many obstacles before ascending to her current role. In her book, from Ball Girl to CMO, she speaks about her guiding principles that continue to help her navigate her personal and professional journey. So from the basketball court to the boardroom, we're so happy to have Melissa joining us today. Welcome to Joyfully Black, Melissa.

Melissa Proctor: 01:19

Wow, thank you. That was awesome. Very grateful to be here.

Joy Dixon: 01:23

Oh, wonderful. We're so glad to have you today. So Melissa, first I just want to level set for our audience today. What really inspired you to choose a career path, which combines both your creativity and your strategic side? I know some folks may have read your book but ut if they have not gotten their hands on it yet, I would love for you to share a little bit about that.

Melissa Proctor: 01:45

You know, it's interesting, because I feel like I didn't choose my career, my career chose me. I'm a huge believer in faith and I'm Christian. I truly believe that all of this was written well before I got here. Because when people asked me, you know, like, you always know what you want to ask, like, I still don't know, to this day, what I want to be when I grow up, and I say it all the time, and people think I'm joking. But I genuinely mean that, you know. So growing up, I loved art. My mother really encouraged me in the arts. I went to magnet schools for middle school and high school focusing on visual arts and I had a cousin who watched basketball. You know, as you mentioned, my parents are West Indian, I didn't grow up with any American sports. They don't watch football, they don't watch baseball, basketball, like none of that. And so having a cousin who started watching basketball, and got me into it, just watching Heat games on TV. You know, I was like, "oh, looks really cool." Plus, this is like the 90s so this was heyday of like, Last Dance and Jordan, and you know, all of that. I just remember being in awe of these characters, the players. At 15, my mom said, "Hey, what do you-". I told her I wanted to get a job. And she said, Well, you can only get a job and whatever you want to do for the rest of your life. So at 15, I said, I want to be the first female coach in the NBA. Never played basketball, had no context of what that even meant. But she challenged me to go get a job in the NBA. And so while that was the case then and I did a whole lot of cold calling and emailing and writing letters and drawing and whatever to ultimately, get into the Heat as the first ball girl, you know, for the organization. I didn't understand creative or strategic. And so my career, as you mentioned, is very much a jungle gym. Not at all a ladder in a lot of different areas. But honestly, through trial and error. Like, I didn't know, I wanted a creative job. I didn't know, I wanted a strategic job. I didn't even know what strategy meant. But coming out of undergrad, I got an internship at Turner and marketing for TNT, which was interesting. I never took a marketing class in college so I didn't even have the context of what THAT meant. And while in my internship, I met a woman who was in charge of brand strategy. And I was like, "that's really cool." And she explained that branding was like the foundation that the you know, the whole network and everything was built upon. She blew my mind, I remember what we were talking about. I was like, "what exactly does that mean?" And she was like, "imagine that TNT was going to have a store in airport. It be the brand team's decision to be like, what does that experience? What would you sell? What would it look like? What would it smell like? What would you do when you walked in the door?" And I was like, " yo, that blows my mind" because a television network and a store don't go together but creatively is an interesting challenge. And then you have to build a strategy of, well, how does it sustain itself? What makes people want to go and so those two things together, I didn't even realize was combining strategy and creativity. But I knew that I liked the thinking challenge of it. So I kind of think that's where it started. But you know, I've taken on roles that are all creative. I've taken on roles that were all strategy. So through those experiences I now have landed on when I'm in a place where I could do both of those. That's what I love the most but every day it kind of ebbs and flows.

Joy Dixon: 04:57

Thank you so much for sharing that Melissa. And as you were saying speaking and talking about your art background, I can see so clearly how someone who grew up as an artist, I mean, you are literally creating worlds out of thin air, out of your imagination.

Melissa Proctor: 05:10

Yeah.

Joy Dixon: 05:10

And so with the brand strategy that that, that adds in the business aspect to creating this, this customer experience, and also really encouraging for folks and youth who are creative and just thinking like, Okay, do I really want to draw and do animation, but there's other options out there?

Melissa Proctor: 05:29

100%. And it's interesting, because I meet a lot of creatives that are like, how did you do that? Like, it's not at all, normal, not normal, but like, regular for someone who was an artist, to do, you know kind of what I've done, and I'll say, like, I honestly don't have a lot of time to create anymore. And I think my - not that I don't want to - but I think like I have evolved. And so I'll say that I still can utilize my creative skills and now I look at look at it as creative approaches to business challenges. So I still get to use that side of my brain, but I use it in a different way as opposed to just visual. And so to me, that's exciting, but it's just kind of a newly placed creative energy.

Joy Dixon: 06:08

Yeah, absolutely. And, and you use the word that I think is so key, there's been an evolution, right. And speaking to you and seeing how you have parlayed, and kind of, sometimes as you said, you weren't really sure where an experience or a role was actually going to take you somehow it's led you to this moment. And so, you know, so sounds like you have been very open to what different challenges and opportunities have been available to you. And in your book, you talk about some of your guiding principles. And when I, when I saw that, I was like, that is so great for people who are sort of like Renaissance souls with a lot of different things I kind of consider myself.

Melissa Proctor: 06:51

Yeah, that's me

Joy Dixon: 06:54

So when I, when I heard those guiding principles, I was like, Oh, my God, this is great, because you have these core values that you always come back to, that you know whether an opportunity is right for you. So, could you tell us a little bit about some of those guiding principles that you highlight in your book from Ball Girl to CMO?

Melissa Proctor: 07:14

Absolutely, for sure. You know, it's so interesting, because growing up, like my parents worked double, triple shifts, you know, my mom was a registered nurse, my dad was like a, he sort of checks at a bank. And they call it a computer programmer at the time. But like, their worlds were so different. We weren't having guiding principle conversations, growing up in the hood in Miami. And so like, it was through life experiences, and having mentors who shared kind of their guiding principles and the things that were important to them. And so, for me, you know, as you grow, you learn new things, and you evolve. And so when I sat down to think of what mine would be, and I really just kind of looked at it as what are a set of values or a filter that I would utilize? So any opportunity or anything that comes my way how do I vet it against something to know if it's good for me, based on what I need, in order to live life happily. It wasn't about success, it wasn't just about money, or title. And I, and I remember talking to my boss about, you know, getting promoted to CMO of the Hawks. And I was like, kind of asked, like, "Why me?' and he was like, "because you don't want it." and I thought that was the most interesting thing. He's like, some people are driven by, you know, the perception of power, or money or title. And he was like, with you, you just want to do great work. At the end of the day, I mean, what I normally say is I just want to make dope shit. That's what I say. And so, you know, with that, I thought that was so interesting. So I could look at my guiding principles, and, you know, see how in building them in the past, through those experiences, they've now kind of come to fruition in ways where I'm like, Well, I'm checking my box. So I have five. I call them my starting five. And my first one is the ability to be both creative and strategic. As I mentioned, I've had all creative jobs, I've had all strategy jobs, and I know that I'm at my best and feeling like I'm hitting on all cylinders, when I get to use both sides of my brain. My second is I get bored super easily. So I'm always looking at how do I, you know, build new tools in my personal toolbox, just so that I can continue to to learn and grow because in my mind, like you stopped growing or developing, you're dead. So if I can do a job in my sleep, that means I no longer need to do it. So making sure that I can be pushed and challenged. And so, you know, my job every day, I'm learning something new, especially during the pandemic, like we are a live event business that went to everyone being apart and separate. So that's, it's been an interesting challenge. As you know, my career has gone on because times I'm like, Okay, this, you know, it's gonna be, you know, three to five years I'll be there. I had no idea that the NBA would evolve and the world would evolve in the ways that it has every organization has evolved. So that's been helpful. My third is really - my mom was horrible with money when I was growing up, like lights were getting cut off, and bill consolidations and whichever, and so I promised myself that I would want to be, you know, somewhat financially independent, but really being able to pay my bills on time or ahead. Now that I have a daughter, I have a daughter who's seven, it's really investing in her future. And so the ability to do that, which is kind of looking at opportunities a little differently, like that kind of came in more as my career advanced, because at first it was like, pay my bills on time. That was it. That was paying my bills on time and invest and really understand financial literacy and estate planning, and like, being on top of my game financially, because I've always been in a support role for my family. I'm an only child and when my parents got divorced, I was the caregiver for my mother. We talked a lot about that through my last day of high school, my first day of college, really, she went out on disability. And so my college scholarship money had to go home to help pay her bills. I knew that I didn't want that for my daughter. So it's been a really important one for me. My fourth is some semblance of work-life harmony. I know, there's no such thing as balance, sometimes you got to work a lot, sometimes you got to live a lot. And I always say that life is more important than work, no matter where I am, or what job I'm doing. Like, we're all here to live first, not just go to work. But I want to be able to be in a place where if I have to leave to take my daughter to an event or something and four o'clock in the afternoon, I can do that. Or if I need to travel. And I think definitely, you know, throughout the pandemic and remote work, people are probably more open to that than they were in the past. But that's always been a big deal for me. And knowing that when I'm here at work, I'll give 100% of myself, but when I'm not here, I need to be able to live 100% of myself too. And then my final one is really the ability to just be authentic and bring my whole self to work every day, the way I'm talking to you is how I talk to my boss, it's how I talk to my team, it's how I talk to my kid. I'm not a code switcher, no disrespect to people who are but like, I got one face. So the idea of authenticity and being able to be true to who I am, I dress pretty informal and laid back until I'd wear Nikes and sweatpants everyday if I could, that's a joy for me. So if I can be that and bring all of my West Indian Caribbean heritage and all of that to the table, I want to be able to encourage my teams and people that I work with to do the same thing. So those are my starting five. So any environment that I'm in those five boxes are checked. There may be some other things like, culture is important. Obviously there are other factors, but I know that I will be able to do my best work if all of those things are set.

Joy Dixon: 12:39

Absolutely. And I appreciate you really laying those out for us today. And you touched upon authenticity. And when you were saying you know, you're a person not code switching although we know there are plenty of folks who walk around in our melanated skin that you know, do that, because that's how they best show up in the world. Maybe that's the way they protect themselves.

Melissa Proctor: 13:03

Yeah, how they were raised, how they see things. There's nothing wrong with it. Just not me.

Joy Dixon: 13:08

Yeah, absolutely. And it makes me think that by you showing up as your authentic self, rather, you're also showing people around you like, this is also what a CMO can look like. This is what an executive can look like. I'm informal, and I'm still the top of my game.

Melissa Proctor: 13:28

100%

Joy Dixon: 13:29

Yeah, so I am totally appreciative of that. Because so many, so many youth and other young women that may not have reached the height of your career, where you're going where you are, and still going, they need to see that sort of example.

Melissa Proctor: 13:45

An awesome quick story I'll give is when I got promoted to CMO, I remember they had reserved parking at the arena, like kind of where the players park for executives. And so when I became an executive, I went and got my executive badge and I went to a park in the reserved spot and security walked over to my car. He was like "I'm sorry, ma'am, you can't park here because these spaces are reserved for executives." And you know, it was a young brother than I was like, alright and I showed him my badge. I was like "I am an executive." I could see he kind of paused and was looking like okay, oh, and he backed up. He was like, "alright. Oh, cool." and I loved it because exactly what you just said, I just changed a stereotype in his mind, of what an executive for this team would look like, you know, and anytime that I have the ability to do that, to inspire someone to really just be an example to be like, "Yo, if I can do it all ya'll can do it. Like everybody can do it." It's just a matter of really letting your work speak for itself and, and you know, really be your authentic self.

Joy Dixon: 14:46

Absolutely and you know he probably went home and told his friends, " I met this lady, she's an executive, you know, with locs and everything." No, that's so awesome. And let me ask you this going into the authenticity - Were you always this way or did it take some sort of experience that made you say, I'm gonna own this? This is who I am. And this is how I'm going to choose to show up.

Melissa Proctor: 15:13

That's a good question. And kind of two part, I definitely have always been myself. I didn't know what myself was, you know, middle school adolescence, everyone's trying to kind of figure out their role, like, I want to be cool, I want to be pretty, I want to be popular and I wasn't any of those things. I had glasses and braces, and, you know, trying to figure out life. But I remember my mom.

Joy Dixon: 18:34

Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that, because it sounds like you had a great foundation, at home with being accepted and knowing and not really having you pointed out I'm sure when you look at other kids, like Oh, I'm kind of quirky. And then of course finding your tribe and then having a solidified in that corporate environment that who you are is what needs to be brought to the table because that is your superpower.

Melissa Proctor: 19:01

100%. And it's interesting because when I was younger I mentioned my mom and what she wasn't, my father was the total opposite. My father is an older Jamaican man who believed that I needed to wear stockings and a girdle to ever be successful. And he hates locs. He'll look at my hair, like, "oh, god, look at your hair." I remember him telling me he's like, "if you don't dress better, you're never going to get a job." and when I started working, he's like, "Well, if you don't start wearing dresses and things, you're never going to get a promotion."So now he sees me and he's totally proud of me. And I'm like, "bro, you were so wrong" but in his day, I mean, he's in his 80s now, it was a very different world.

Joy Dixon: 19:39

Oh, absolutely. But I had to always figure out how to navigate that because I was a pretty good kid. I don't want to disppoint my dad but at the same time I was like, but I still have to do me and as I got older, I probably got more confident in that but being younger it was, you know, I had cousins that were doing modeling at Barbizon and all these etiquette things. I was like "Ma, I don't want to do that, I want to, I'm gonna tap dance. I'm going to do this art" and she was like, "you do what you need to do, you don't need to be your cousin or anybody else, you'd be the best you can be." So that combination really helped me because I understood both sides. That is beautiful because comparison really is the thief of joy 100%. And you were really able to continue tapping into things that made you joyful, even as a child and as a young woman, to be where you are today. I do want to touch on a moment, you mentioned starting to be a caretaker for your mother at at a young age. And so can you kind of share how you were able to navigate that? Because as a person who's been a caregiver for a loved one, it can be challenging, especially as a young person, how was that experience and how did you kind of help keep yourself buoyed while juggling so many things and still having to be a rock for your mom, who you clearly loved dearly?

Melissa Proctor: 21:07

Absolutely. My parents were both awesome but because they were older when they had me, I didn't really have grandparents growing up, like I knew, I met one of my grandmothers, my father's mother, she lived in Jamaica, when I was five. Then she passed away after that. So other than that, like, I didn't see my parents as caregivers for their parents. They were but it was, well, before I was born, my mother was well before I was born. So, I don't think I had an example. Like I didn't know what to do. But I was very much raised as "Honor thy mother and father." And that was what it was gonna be about period. So they took care of me, I'm gonna take care of y'all. And when my mom as her health kind of started declining, she was a nurse. She fell at the job one day and like I said she was pretty overweight, and that, like she broke her ankle and never healed properly so she always had to wear a brace. And so I always knew there were like little things, it was kind of like it was a very slow progression but looking back, I'm like, "Man, that train was headed in that direction." and now I know the outcome, but then I'm like, Oh, you don't want to walk today. It's okay. You don't have to exercise, go eat whatever you want." I wasn't raised seeing her exercise or go to the gym. So there were so many things that I'm now trying to break the generational curses of through my daughter. But when I saw it, I didn't know what I didn't know if that makes any sense. I didn't. I didn't know Medicare. I didn't know Medicaid. I didn't know. You know, I just knew that she had to pay these bills or the stuff was getting cut off. I didn't understand financial literacy. She stopped working but kept living like she was working so very quickly, whatever money she may have had went away. And so I feel like all of it was on the job training in real time. So how did I buoy myself? I believe that God places angels around when you need them most. There were people in my life. I was dating someone in my 20s. When I started working, I finished grad school, I came back to Atlanta, and my mother had a stroke one day. She was living on our own in a 55 plus community and literally the person I was dating was the godsend of the century like drove with me to Florida. I was out of work for a month and change because she had to go through rehab and had to move her out of a place where she lived by herself, like literally overnight, find a new place for her to live. I could have never done that without having my family and other people in my corner. And so as her health declined, she went from assisted living and she was great there, had a motorized wheelchair and was doing it up. One day she fell and broke her knee, had to go back into rehab, but you only have 100 days before you time out of rehab and she timed out and they put her in a nursing home. I was living in Atlanta. There was so many things but I truly believe my daughter is my mother reincarnated. One hundred percent. Her middle name is Olivia. My mom's name was Olivia. She invited. People just want to do stuff for her. My mom was a nurse. So they say nurses are the worst patients and she absolutely was. But she would make friends or people would befriend her - I have sisters that were nurses or assistants when she was in a hospital or a rehab and they're like, "Oh, I loved your mother so much. She did many things to me." And I'm like, these are these angels that God places. I was an only child but she just through her spirit and being who she was was able to. And I don't think it was strategic at all. It was like she just built these relationships, or they were placed around her that gave us support that we both needed in order for things to happen.

Joy Dixon: 24:34

Absolutely.

Melissa Proctor: 24:35

Me going or her being in the hospital and someone saying, Hey, have you heard of this program? Check this out. I'm gonna connect you with this person who can help open this door. It happens so often. The irony is I remember when my mother, her health started to decline. She was a giver. She gave to everyone, would do things for people, and I didn't realize it but she really did it with the expectation that they will do for her. I grew up seeing that and you know, every now and then my dad would say something slick like, "Oh, your mom's trying to buy her friends." I'm like, What do you mean? But he was right, like at a at a soul level. So when she got sick, she's like all the people I did all these things for none of them are here. And I don't know it was resentful, but probably like, Man, I did all this for y'all like, where you at? It was so helpful for me because now I see it. I'm like, God put other people in those places to do for you. When she was looking at one way, I'm like, Do you not see all these other people? there's more people that we have help from.

Joy Dixon: 25:34

Help from different vessel.

Melissa Proctor: 25:36

Exactly. And so I think for me, now that I've been able to kind of live in and experience it. And now I have my own daughter, actually, even this picture, my background, my mother, when she passed away, she always told me when I was a kid "cremate me and scatter my ashes." I'm like, that's morbid. And then when she got older, she's like, I want to stay with you always so keep me in your house. I was like, Heck nah, that's not my - I am not that person. So when she passed away, I write about it in my book, like, I went to Florida, and I scattered her ashes and literally, this is the picture I took after I scattered her ashes in Florida in Miami at this beach, and on the rocks that you see on the side, someone had spray painted, "we love you, mom." Because I never done it before. I didn't know what to do to the point of being a caregiver. I didn't know what to do after death, either. But it's these little signs from God. And I saw that rock and I was like, that's where you got to go. This is where I opened up and that's why scattered there. And it was like, so poignant And so I always keep this picture. And it's my screensaver, actually, on my computer's just like, a reminder of she's always with me wherever she is. But we went through a lot together and I think it definitely just helped prepare me for the life that I live now.

Joy Dixon: 26:46

Oh, wow, I really appreciate you sharing that with us. So many lessons with her, you know, nurturing people, and also the power of relationships. I mean, the power of relationships. And that actually brings me to my next question is, you know, you really strike me as a person who is a connector and a go-getter. And I love the story about how you were just really persistent and basically becoming a ball girl when you were just 15 and kept writing, writing, writing, which kids today they don't know.

Melissa Proctor: 27:22

No, no. They want somebody to just gave it to them.

Joy Dixon: 27:25

To keep writing or calling and using the Yellow Pages. No, yeah, exactly. And so a person who values being an asset, you know, wherever you are, what impact has that had on how you continue to show up in the world?

Melissa Proctor: 27:44

You know, it's funny, because I have so many of my friends or people that I've known for so long. And even though it seems like I'm a connector, I'm like an extroverted introvert. And I, I love being home, like, what am I doing, I'm going to Aqua Tots Swim School, and I'm gonna be here watching Space Jam 2 tonight with my daughter, like, that's joy with some popcorn, like, that's happiness. But then I also enjoy going out and having new experiences. So, you know, for me, I want to always try to help people because I had so much help throughout my career. And when I started, you know, working and even growing in my career, I would respond to every LinkedIn message.

Joy Dixon: 28:25

oh wow.

Melissa Proctor: 28:25

Every email, I'm like, people helped me, I'm gonna respond. And then like, in this role, I'm like, It's impossible. If I had coffee with everyone who writes, reaches out saying, I want to learn about your career, let's talk. I'm like, I wouldn't have enough hours in the day. So writing my book was also a reason that I can like, Hey, I can't tell you everything. And I can't meet with everyone but at least you can get some of the lessons. But now like I really, I realized, just being in the role some time is all that I need to do. You know, like, just to be still because I can make an impact without even opening my mouth, sometimes. And so what I try to do when I have like a mentee, I teach them, I'm like, you want to be an asset to somebody not a liability, especially on time, you know, if you have the chance to connect with somebody, like how do you pour into them? Yes, during that moment, as opposed to what nine out of 10 people do, which was like, "I want a job, I want to meet you, I want you to tell me about what you do, so that I can potentially do what you do one day"and never want to ask me what do I need or what are my challenges? What's keeping me up at night, and think of a way that they can pour into me. Because I've found that the more that you're able to do that, the more you can build really mutually beneficial relationships that are sustaining the number of you can't have coffee enough with somebody for them to care about you. Yeah, but if you do something that shows that you care about them, then it sticks. That is so true. That is very true. And just and also that that really speaks to that reciprocity. Yes. Servant-leadership very much of like, you got to, you know, be here to serve, not to be served.

Joy Dixon: 29:58

Yes, exactly. Be here to serve. So you mentioned during your guiding principles that you have your your toolbox, right? And so what tools do you have in your in your self care practice or what I like to call your, your mental health pocketbook? I'm a good southern girl. So you know, you got your pocketbook and others have a toolbox, what's in your toolbox?

Melissa Proctor: 30:25

I use the Bible app every day and they have this new feature in it. It's kind of like stories on Instagram, but you can get oh, man, it's bomb, like if you anybody downloads literally Holy Bible, like the Bible app. At the top of it, and it's so great, because, you know, depending on any everybody's different, you know, your faith, I respect it all. But you know, in my walk, I'm like, I don't go to church every every Sunday, like, I have at other times in my life, just depending. But the ability to get something to help ground me is important. So when I wake up in the morning, and there's a streak on it, you can see like, I was like, I'm on a streak of like, 200 days straight. And then I went on vacation. I was like, Ooh, I missed this morning! But you go in and it gives a lesson. It has a person that actually talks about the message, a piece of scripture, someone who talks about it. And then they kind of have like a devotional or some, some other asset to give you more in depth ideas, and then there's a prayer at the end. It's pretty simple. It maybe takes five, six minutes but it helps me every day and I think like, oh, wow, okay, I got it. Sometimes I'll share them with other people. That's a big one for me. And health. Like I mentioned, my mother was incredibly like, did not say she didn't believe in health and wellness, but she was always and I am too, you know, like trying to. It's a constant struggle. Genetically, I know that I am set up to be predisposed to a lot of things. So you got to do a lot of work to go against that. So I have my Peloton and Peloton is like church too. If you're on it, and you're a part of that community, I'm like, man, they're preaching to me this morning on this bike! So that's a big part of my arsenal so whether it's that and I just joined a gym recently that I enjoy going to just to take it up a notch. But you know, I try to always think that I can't be there for everyone else, if I don't take care of me first. Really, I think a lot about my daughter and the ways in which I had to sacrifice my youth and I didn't. My mom was great, because she would always say I don't want you to resent me for not letting you go to grad school in London, even though right before I left, she fell and broke her arm and she was living by herself and people were like, "you can't leave your mom." and she was like "go." She went to nursing school in England would always talk about it. So I was like, It's my chance to almost have a little bit of what she had and she saw that too. So it's a balance, but I really am more often thinking about my why. You know what a lot of it's my daughter, like, I want to be able to be my best for her. But I also really want to live the heck out this life. Like that's as big for me.

Joy Dixon: 33:05

Yes, yeah, you want to play for a lot of work and also be able to have the energy and vitality to play off the clock too.

Melissa Proctor: 33:14

100%

Joy Dixon: 33:15

Oh, good that that is that is fantastic. And there's a quote that I really love by Jean Boleyn that says when you discover something that nourishes your soul, and brings you joy, care enough about yourself to make room for in your life. You make room for your for devotionals with the Bible app, you've joined a gym, you're doing the Peloton, which yes, that is definitely a community. So, what nourishes your soul so much that you absolutely create space for it?

Melissa Proctor: 33:52

That's a great question. And I it's often when I talk to people, they're like, what? So like I said my family's West Indian. I love Soca Music and Carnival and Wray & Nephew, which is the strongest white rum you can get in Jamaica. Those things fill my soul. So everyone's like, what are you doing? If I go to a carnival? To me, that is like Nirvana, like you can elevate to a higher level of life. Yes. Like I went to Trinidad Carnival when I turned 40. And everyone's like, "you're going again?" It's like my fourth time and I was like, that is what I do. I will travel this whole world. And it's like, a feeling that I can't describe it. For me, that's what fills me up. So I can work hard and do these things. But if I know that like hey, there's a fete or my favorite Soca artists or Calypso artist is coming to town like, I look forward to that. And what I like most about it is it's a judgment free zone. So when I'm there, I'm not Melissa Proctor, CMO of the Atlanta Hawks or Marley's mom or whatever else like we're all equal. So whether you are the garbage man, the executive, the teacher, the homeless person on the street - everyone is dancing and loving life and each other through this music and to me that celebration of life is so awesome.

Joy Dixon: 35:08

Ah, I love that that Soca and dancehall and making sure you make time for that. So now I have to ask: are you part of like a crew?

Melissa Proctor: 35:17

Well, I mean, I had my own crew like my homies and we travel together and I've traveled with other groups and been to Ibiza. They have a Soca Festival and I haven't ever been to Spain. I enjoy traveling as well. So kind of being able to fuse those things together. Like I'm more tired when I get back that I was when I went but it's a good kind of tired. You know, like, it's because it fills me up. And you know, with that it's different. And I think if people aren't a part of the culture, they're like, what, so drinking rum and dancing down the street is? Yes, that is, that is my joy. And it's cool!

Joy Dixon: 35:52

That's fueling your soul. Oh, I love that. I love that. Yes, on so many levels.

Melissa Proctor: 36:00

It's funny, because I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter at a group of friends going to Caribana in Toronto, and I had never been to Caribana. And so people are like, "Well, you can't go right? Like your daughter would be two months old by then." And I was like, "why not?" It was so interesting to me because the thought was now that you have a child, you're going to stop, not stop living, but start living for your child. I know that my mom, I mean, she was older, which I don't know that she stopped living for me but she lived the way she wanted to. I was like, "No, I love these things and so I want to be able to tell my daughter about it." So when she gets older, she's like, and now she does, she's like, " Mommy, when I get bigger. I'm gonna go to carnival with you and we're gonna dance." I'm like, "Yes, we will girl but I'm leaving, because I got to go." I'm so grateful for it. Like, I just took her to Dubai for her summer vacation this year. We have family living over there. And people like you took your daughter to? Yes, I did and it's awesome. She now has a different cultural perspective than I had in college. I'm 41 and I went to Dubai for the first time. She's seven,so her life will be different inherently. But if I can do things to help enhance that, like, it's what it's all about.

Joy Dixon: 37:12

Oh yes, absolutely. As you said, like, you're in the process of, you know, breaking generational curses as it relates to health, but also you're exposing her at an early age, to what sort of life she can continue to have as she grows up,

Melissa Proctor: 37:29

And works hard, because I'm like, "No, you're not gonna be in the Delta Skyclub you're gonna be waiting." So, I'm always like, don't let this fool you. Like, she comes to Hawks games, she only sees suites, and I'm like, uh-uh, you got to work for this, this doesn't just come. So it's also trying to figure out how to be grounded knowing that her life is gonna be very different from my experience.

Joy Dixon: 37:51

Mm hmm. Yeah, I could definitely see how that will be a delicate balance. I trust that you'll know how to find that harmony.

Melissa Proctor: 38:00

Just like my mom is on the job training with the kid. Today is a different experience. So we'll see how it nets out later on.

Joy Dixon: 38:07

For sure, for sure. As you're thinking about how your life at her age is completely different. If you could really turn back the time and talk to your 18 year old self about mentally nourishing yourself, what would you tell her?

Melissa Proctor: 38:25

Man, I would tell her to chill out. One, because I was so focused on like, wanting to know what I was going to be when I grew up, and wanting to have the answers. If I could tell her anything, I was like, just really be faithful, like, you can say it, but then you could really be like, You know what, I'm gonna fall back. I'm gonna let God do his thing and just chill. It's hard to say chill, and I'm very type A like, I want to plan, I want to know, and I'm still the same, but in other elements of life. I'm like, "whatever." You can only control the things you can control. So with that, like, I would definitely say that and then in another respect, I would say it's okay to take risks. I think I was very not risk averse. I'd be willing to travel and do things, but I'm like, "I don't know how this will pan out." So it wasn't necessarily as free flowing. And the older I got and the more experiences, being able to just roll with things. For me, does so much to help mental health because I feel like so often like worry and stress comes from trying to control the things that you can? Yes. So the more and I was reading this book on stoicism, which I wish my 18 year old self even knew the term or cared enough to know the term but it was truly when things happen like know that it's just what it is. We attribute so much story and meaning to things that probably don't have any. As an example, you know, "hey, me and Joy arae supposed to go to lunch. Oh, Joy canceled. Oh my god, she doesn't like me anymore. I must have said something. I must have done somethhing." Then I've stressed out about the unknowness as opposed to just saying, we are no longer having lunch today. Yeah, that's all that it is. Keep it moving because normally, it'll be like in two weeks, so be like, Hey, girl, what's up? What's going on? And I'm like, I stressed all of this effort and energy and mind space on something that wasn't even real. I mean, everyone does it. It's human. Yes. But I'm like, I realized how often and how great, especially women, I mean, I think everyone does it. But women will make a whole story up for one thing and be like, I know exactly what happened. This happened and actually, none of that happened ma'am. None of it. It's ok.

Joy Dixon: 40:38

I think we're great playwrights.

Melissa Proctor: 40:40

Yes!

Joy Dixon: 40:43

Oh, that's wonderful. So really, it sounds like really being present. We'll have put in the show notes a link to the stoicism because I have heard of that topic. I haven't read it just yet. But love to add that as a resource that people can can take a look at. I like how you also mentioned you moreso believe in work-life harmony. What has been the best sage advice that you've received about work life harmony?

Melissa Proctor: 41:10

Hmm. Best advice I've received about work life harmony? I'd say, well, little bit different, more life harmony. I remember I had a boss who became a mentor and at one point in my career, I was always growing like, every year, I had a job promotion, I went to grad school for a year, came back, I had another job, like, life was good. And I was used to that pace. And one day, she was like, you know, Melissa, one day this phase is gonna slow down, you're gonna be in a job for three years, like, what are you gonna do then? And I was like, I won't because I'm gonna get the promotion and do the thing. She was like, you know, sometimes you just have to live. And it's important, like, at the time I stayed in an apartment. She's like, maybe you want to buy a house, maybe you want to date someone, maybe you want to be married. And I thought about it. And I was just like, that's not whatever. I was so focused on work that I didn't even think about creating a life. So often, I'll speak to people who are either more senior than me or more junior. And the more senior advice was, you know, don't end up with the Oprah complex. I'm like, what is that? Where it's like, I'm going to create this mega life and maybe I don't know if this is really Oprah or not but like, not make time to have children or even think about the idea of it, because I'm so focused on building this, you know, professional legacy. I heard that and I received it. I mean, I ended up getting married, and I have my daughter now. But, you know, on the other side, I meet so many junior level women who want to be on the path. They're like, I want to be like you and how do I and I work till 10 8:10pm every night. I'm like, No, don't do that. Don't do that. You're not gonna get any more points for that. Go home, go live, go make some friends. Go have an experience. Honestly, I find that it makes you a better employee. You have something to bring to the table. And you know, some people think that the harder and more time I put it in work, the farther I'm gonna go, but that's not always the case.

Joy Dixon: 43:04

Yeah. That's great that you're able to mentor and share that with women who are looking to walk in the very big shoes that you have to fill. And And as we're thinking about different seasons of life, because you have folks sounds like we're telling you to "Okay, take a break. Let's stop and smell the roses." Yeah, I really, I do think of life in seasons and phases. And so as as you reflect on this specific season of your life, what brings you joy in this season?

Melissa Proctor: 43:39

Man, I'm so many things. Honestly being able to take a trip to Dubai with my daughter was one and while working. Mind you, I also planned this trip in February or January to help a cousin that I have over there move. But I didn't consider we would be in the playoffs, in the third round of the playoffs at that time. And so you know, my boss and I talked and he also was a family first believer. So it's helpful to have that. And he was like, "well,go." And I was like, okay, and I went in the games came on at 4:30am. So I was up watching games at 4:30 and then at 11:30pm. We had, you know, team meetings, which normally if I was going on vacation, I'd be like, I can miss it. But there were too many things and we had never been in this position so I couldn't. I was up all night. Up early in the morning. So I would try to take a nap during the day and took my daughter to the desert and took her to the beach and have these amazing experiences but the ability to do both of those things and still thrive. And when I came back I had people saying "Did you go on that trip?" I was like, oh, I was there and I was able to live and work. It was a lot personally but the gratitude that I had to even be able to do something that audacious was like, that's cool. You know that that filled me up and then I remember when I was more junior in my career, always saying that, and I just feel like I'm helping make the man more money. Like, I want to give back. I was very, very altruistic, like, I just feel like I'm not helping the world at this job, I need to do more. I always had those feelings. So I ended up finding ways that I could do that outside of work, whether it was volunteering with, you know, an organization doing work in the community, whatever it was. I'm grateful that now at this stage of my career, like I can have impact in my current role even being able to honor the legacy of Dr. King through our City Edition uniform that we had for the Hawks last season. Knowing people who are like my daughter ask me, "who is this MLK team? What does MLK mean?" And they're having conversations about Dr. King and the Pope reaching out to bless our jersey before the season began. And people who've said, like, Oh, my God, yo, that was the coolest thing ever, you don't understand, like, the conversations we had, because of it. And then knowing that the profit from all of those uniforms went to women entrepreneurs in the city of Atlanta to really help build economic empowerment, you know, for women and people of color, like, that's huge. And so I am able to have an impact just based on the decisions that I make the team that I work with the stuff that we're creating, through this organization. And that's huge to me. And I remember feeling like "Man, this sucks, like I'm not doing what I need to do." And now, that same work has been able to also be amplified in other ways that I could have never imagined.

Joy Dixon: 46:26

Oh, wow, that really speaks to you showing up once again, coming back to that authenticity

Melissa Proctor: 46:35

Absolutely

Joy Dixon: 46:36

Remaining true to those guiding principles and the right opportunities and people coming along in order to bring those ideas into fruition. So that is a great way to end today's podcast. So thank you so much, Melissa. How can people connect with you online?

Melissa Proctor: 46:56

For sure. Well, one, thank you again for having me. This has been awesome. The best way to connect with me is Instagram at Melissa M Proctor. I use that you know, pretty regularly or LinkedIn for the professional stuff. And as you mentioned, my book From Ball Girl to CMO. It's on Amazon, or you can find it on my website: www.MelissaM Proctor.com.

Joy Dixon: 47:17

Excellent. Well, once again, thank you so much for spending time with us on the Joyfully Black podcast and we will be keeping up with you and folks, make sure you go out and get her book. Thank you so much. Have a good one.

Melissa Proctor: 47:30

Thanks, you too.